“No back seat diving”
“No backseat driving”
Tim and I have lived in the Wyoming mountains since 2002, having lived in Baton Rouge, and growing up in San Antonio, so the big city driving is still in my DNA. It is a good thing that I was raised a city girl because in times like these being in San Antonio I have had to bring my driving skills.
“Momma, we do not need any back seat driving.” Okay, so I missed a couple of turns and ended up two medical buildings away. They all looked alike to me. I really thought that I knew where I was going. I have had to make several u-turns and rely on Map Quest to help me out on several occasions. And to be honest I was being a little stubborn with thinking I knew where to turn, and should have just said, “Yes Ma’mm” to Momma. Momma of course would know where to go because this is her home and she knows San Antonio as well as Map Quest and definitely better than me. lol!
We are staying with one of Momma’s dear friends Angie. She lives in a gated community. I have more than once had to go back around the turn around because I have punched in the wrong gate code. I wanted to cry but found myself laughing at myself. There is no telling what the cars behind me were thinking, watching me go around in circles. I forget to hit the pound button or miss one of the numbers. And there is only one way to get in the gate without a clicker.
These past weeks there are days with navigating Momma through appointments, scheduling get togethers with friends that I have felt like I was at the front gate hitting the code again finding myself having to go back around to punch in the correct code because we double book... This last week has been a time to go through her belongings to decide what goes to Iowa, what we give away, packing boxes, scheduling U Haul truck, taking care of change of address, cancel utilities and all that goes along with a move.
What I have learned with not having a back seat driver is there has to be grace in our communication. Momma still wants her voice heard and have a say so in decisions being made on her behalf. She wants to know what is happening and to understand the timeline that is her life. We want to make the best of our time together, as we get closer to her move to Iowa. So now we all have our calendars in front of us when coordinating anything.
It is comforting that God instructs me and teaches me the way I should go. His eye is upon myself, on Momma and Susan. He is where we get understanding and keeps us from going around in circles with trying to hit the right code. God is the one that knows the code to each of our lives and where we all need to be going. I don’t need to be a back seat driver, trying to figure out Momma’s cancer because God holds it all. She doesn’t have to be a back seat driver with the uncertainty or try to figure out His sovereignty because God holds it all. Susan doesn’t have to be a back seat driver and think she has to have every answer because as we know God holds it all and doesn’t need our help guiding His hand in our lives.
-Debbie’s Perspective
“No backseat driving!” -Oh where to start on this one! Our dear sweet Momma is the champion-the gold standard- the Queen of all backseat driving! It has become more prevalent as she has gotten older ( or more mature)LOL! She tells you where to go in specific detail including what lane to turn into. (no matter if you know where you are going or not) She goes through the entire series of directions before you even walk out the door!!! Oh I chuckle … but when I am in the throws of it - I will admit I get a little frustrated. As we have discussed – you all know… patience is NOT one of my virtues.
So…here we are-driving along-and we want to control our destiny-we want to control not only where we are going – but the outcome of what happens when we get there. I have always been just a tad bit defiant with my Mom. Letting go of any and all control was absolutely terrifying to me. As a child I welcomed her taking the reins of my life- telling me what to do and how to do it. But then came the teenage years- Oh those special years that started it all – I rock and rolled all the way down that pivotal hill and landed flat on my face. And, since we’re being honest here… not only did my decisions and actions impact my Momma – I guess they also had an impact on my entire family. Kind of like having the car packed with your family and friends – Wherever you turn-whatever road you choose – you are choosing that road for all of those loved ones that are in your car – they end up at the same destination as you.
As you may have guessed – I was not an easy one folks. I – like most 16 year old young ladies, had all the answers for not only my life, but everyone else’s as well!!! Listen, I. Set out to conquer the world! (Or at least my little bitty corner of it!) So when Momma tried to steer me in a different direction -lets just say it didn’t always go without the “mouth of the south” showing up! It is similar to my relationship with God. It hasn’t been an easy road – not without some grumbling and fierce rebellion. I still want to go my own way because as history has shown-I don’t always make the best decisions.
I have finally realized that sure- I have free will- I can map out my course and stumble my way to the finish line or I can take Jesus’ hand and walk one step at a time with him- easy right? I may step off course sometimes- I may fall down along the way – but I will get back up and start again.
My friends just know this: the next time I am in the car with my Momma – and she maps out the course to Canada and back - complete with the correct turn lanes and all of the stop lights… I will laugh to myself knowing that one of her main purposes in her life was to give direction and help me to see my course in life- to counsel and let me know if we are running off the road- she helps me to stay in my lane- to use a blinker and let someone know I am changing that lane- to follow the rules of the road. I am so grateful for this strong , capable woman to be the one giving me directions. I not only have her- I have my sister who, bless her heart- had to take on kind of a mother type role in some ways due to my needing some extra accountability – LOL! She and her husband give me counsel and direction – they are wise beyond their years and have given me the stability that I was needing at this point in my life. So…. I can say I am so grateful for my Momma and my sister and her hubby Tim- I will say that while I am not always super happy to have everyone giving me directions – I am receiving the message loud and clear folks! I need someone to help me steer my way through life. So as look ahead to the open road with an eager heart – I look to my right and see the little silver-haired woman beside me as she is hanging on for dear life and what is she doing? Well- she is letting me go my own way- and trusting me to do so. Oh what a feelin’!
-Susan’s Perspective
8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.
9 Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, Otherwise they will not come near to you.” (Psalms 32:8, NASB)
Meet the exclusive Caldonia- the mascot from Momma’s Alma Mater The Alamo Heights Mules!!!
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