It’s a Wrap!

 

 Oh this week has been a journey folks. A little recap first and then the real news begins. So after a lot of back and forth and up and down Debbie and I got Momma all packed up and ready to load the moving tuck this coming Friday. Many thanks to Michelle and Philip for their help as well!!! This includes going through and deciding where certain items, antiques etc will go- this was exceptionally difficult to process for me. I felt like it was the end of an era- the end of a life well lived here in San Antonio by an extraordinary, much loved ‘lil lady. There was a lot of walking down memory lane this week- as we were going through the antiques and dishes etc… we shared the stories that each piece signifies to us about our Mamma and Papa  and Momma. There were a lot of sweet memories, laughs and tears as we shared such special things over the weekend - I will never forget it – I will always feel eternally grateful to Momma’s San Antonio family and friends for loving her, supporting her and being here for her all of these years!

 It’s time for me to get really transparent and really real right now.This is hard for me, but I need to share this with you. So, after going through all that we have since the beginning of February with my hospitalization, snowvid, Mom’s cancer, her leaving her lifetime home, the packing, the unpacking the deciding where stuff is going the whole kit and caboodle – I woke up this past Friday morning just wound for sound. I was anxious, weary to the bone and felt like a pressure cooker getting ready to blow – well my dear friends- blow I did. I had a complete meltdown, I had not been this angry in many years – my sister is the one that took the brunt  of it – it was completely misplaced towards her.I am pretty certain she wanted to wrap me in bubble wrap and toss me out a tenth floor building and call it a day but she didn’t. Never even lost her cool. My sister is so very important to me and I am really struggling with my behavior and if anyone else had behaved that way and said the things that I said to her I would come unglued and throat punch then in a heartbeat! When I think about the look on her face in the middle  this  meltdown - it brings tears to my eyes – she was heartbroken. I don’t know if I will ever be able to forget the complete sorrow, fear and pain that I saw in her expression – saying I am sorry doesn’t quite cover it. When I say that I lost it let me share with you that mouth of the south and her friend PHYSC-lone Susan showed and it got ugly fast. I said some very  hurtful things and no one was going to talk me down – except Pastor Mike. My sister called and got him on the phone and he walked us through a resolution(once he could get me to shut up) and it was really spectacular. Pastor Mike is the Pastor at Darrah and Tyler’s church in Davenport where Momma is moving- he has counseled me and become a dear brother in Christ – I have immense respect for him- I am so grateful that he answered the phone! We worked through it – I asked for Debbie’s forgiveness and she lovingly and honestly gave it. As I started to process this I realized that I wanted to be angry at something- I have been going through this whole situation just trying to hang on for dear life – but what I haven’t done is truly give it to Christ - the one who can take the pain, the weariness, the anxiousness by his grace and mercy walk me through it. I don’t know what triggered the initial feeling of anxiety that morning- yes I was tired and physically and emotionally wiped out, but I will not use that as an excuse – as there is no excuse for my actions. So now we must move forward in love and forgiveness offering the grace and space that we both need. So that is it in a nutshell – thank you for letting  me share.

  After all was resolved  we went to a beautiful dinner Friday night then woke up Saturday and drove to the hill country with our adopted Sis’ Angie, Momma, Me and Debbie. We went to the Prayer Garden in Kerville and we each got a rock and wrote a little prayer to God – It was a beautiful day. Then today the goodbye’s started. At Mom’s church they had a special presentation for her- and they had all of the ladies stand that have been touched, counseled or helped in some way by my Momma – almost everyone in the church was standing – it melted my heart. You see- its not about me – it’s about this amazing woman that has been blessing hearts all over Texas for more than half her life – She is fierce and on fire and right now she needs her daughter to remember and apply all of those beautiful nuggets of wisdom that she has been trying to pound into her head since she was a teenager- guess which daughter??? LOL! 

 So I affirm to you all that I need to humble myself  – I am not perfect and I am going to blow it. I can count all of this a blessing to be able to love and serve my momma well – We have shared and created some beautiful memories that. Will last a lifetime. 

  Sometimes I feel like a butterfly just out of the cocoon with new wings not quite sure just how to use them yet –   But I will get there. 

While it has been a trying and exhausting week – it has been the most profound for me because I remembered I am human I cannot do it out of my strength – I need Christ  to carry me through my days – and take a breathe- slow down and remember  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

“”Lord forgive me for sometimes wanting a seat at the table that you would knock over”

Susan’s. Perspective

Read Sign In Photo!!! LOL!




                                           “It’s a wrap”


I am sitting here on the plane and getting ready to fly to New Orleans to meet Tim who I haven’t seen in over six weeks. We both have aging parents and I haven’t seen Ms. Martha in a while. She has been so instrumental in my life through the years and another mother to me. I look forward to visiting with her and loving on her as she struggles with her health.

It is surreal as I said “Good Bye” to momma, and Susan this morning that Texas will soon be a wrap for us all. Momma was propped up all snug in her bed with enjoying her cup of coffee and reading her Bible. Her smile was as big as Texas. It hit me that I may not return to these roots of San Antonio where I grew up with knowing much of who I am came from living here.

Susan told me just wait til you are on the plane to write your blog. Well it makes it difficult for me to type with clouded eyes from crying and having to wear a mask. I am sure the gentleman sitting next to me is thinking, “Why did I sit here?” It’s all good, I just glanced and he is asleep. 

This past week had lots of fun and precious moments with us going down memory lane with momma. We dined at some of our favorite restaurants and drove around areas that we frequently went to such as the River walk, and the Hill Country. It is as if time stood still during these outings with us being able to reflect on those years that have past. We have laughed about the silliest things and talked about those good old days. 

This week also had some challenging moments because the reality is momma has cancer. She is moving to a new place, new surroundings with only knowing our Darah’s and Tyler’s family. This is a lot for her and for myself and Susan to process with getting momma packed and making sure everything is done for her. I would be lying if I said that everything has been stress free. When you have three women actually 4 living together, with one having cancer and getting ready to make a huge life move there are going to be some high emotions. Throw into the pot with having two highly extroverts and me an introvert , this is a mixture to have some lively times. 

One day in particular emotions were coiled up tight. 

Susan and I had gone over to momma’s apartment to finish up packing her antique pieces. We were in separate rooms packing so we could finish faster and go run errands. I had finished packing momma’s clothes and some odds and ends. I could hear Susan in the other room grunting full of frustration and her wanting to be done because she was tired. I went in to see what was the matter. She was fighting with the tape dispenser. The tape was all wrapped up in the teeth. I was able to take a pair of scissors and dislodge the tape. There was silence with a soft spoken, “Thank you Debbie.” 

I began the task with wrapping momma’s hurricane lamp that ever since I can remember has been on her night stand. I got busy wrapping each piece individually with bubble wrap. I started with the glass globe and was careful wrapping it with several layers to give it good padding for the trip to Iowa. I then took the top glass piece and wrapped it with extra special attention. I couldn’t even see the hand painting of the flowers on it. The third piece didn’t come a part so I begin at the bottom and wrapped then taped over and over so that I couldn’t see anything. This took quite a bit of bubble wrap and tape. Layer after layer was added and I begin to realize this is me! I was that lamp wrapping myself in bubble wrap and taping it so well that nothing was going to break me. I was holding in all my frustrations covering them up to protect myself. There were several episodes that happened that day with Susan. My thoughts were a hot mess and yet I didn’t think I could voice this to her because of fear she would yell at me. We got back to the house and it happened. I poked the bear and she awoke!!!! It took only these four words, “It’s not about you.” That is when her unleashing on me happened that you have read above. I was scared at that moment and regretted what I had said to her. It was my ugly heart that had built up so much bubble wrap that the tape had to come off sooner or later. Her unleashing on me made we want to crawl into the doggie’s bed and hide. 

I had really messed up and thinking what this did to momma’s heart. Oh my!!! 

I called Pastor Mike who counsels with Susan. We are both thankful for his  Godly guidance that led us to reconciliation with forgiving one another. 


Momma having a cancer that we really do not know what is down the road for her adds weariness, and can add anxiety. What was brought to my attention was I have to unwrap the bubble wrap or the tape will be ripped off that can be hurtful to others. 

I know there will be more situations as we walk this journey. But as I am flying over San Antonio and tears fill my eyes, knowing I may not see the Bluebonnets and other Texas wildflowers for a long time or never again, I rest in His sovereign Grace. 

We have to be able to be transparent with one another and show humility. I wasn’t kind that day and compassion went right out the window. I was thinking of my own interest not considering how Susan was feeling. My prayer is that as we move momma this next week that we will all consider one another and that momma and Susan are more important than me always. 

It is a wrap in San Antonio and we are all ready for the next part of her journey as a steadfast walk continues. 


1 “Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, 

2 make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 

4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”  (Philippians 2:1, NASB)


Debbie’s : Perspective 





Comments

  1. Girls I am really tearing up with the reality of my dearest friend Alice moving. And the last of her time in San Antonio coming to a close. I am forever grateful for her friendship and our history together. May God be glorified in all of this move and in the days to come. I love you both and your momma dearly .

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    1. Corene
      We love you much ! God is good all the time and we can be thankful for the special friendship you have with momma. She will only be a phone call away or zoom. 💗

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  2. I am tearing up, too. Knowing that Alice is leaving the town she loves...the home of her dearly beloved Spurs! But even more so, the beautiful friends she has there in San Antonio, the women she has ministered to and with. There is a lot of loss in this move and for a reason we all hate. None of us does well with unknowns, and our frail, weak humanity starts to show up. “His power is made perfect in weakness”. I’m thankful that He “knows our frame” and that when we lean on Him, He helps us to stand. I love getting to know Alice’s daughters through this blog, and seeing the beautiful work He is doing in and through both of them during a time full of unknowns. I see Alice in both of you and definitely see God at work as well. I’m praying for continued grace to stand and to so beautifully reflect God’s redeeming love in every circumstance. Alice, I hate that cancer has been introduced in your life, but I’m thankful that you belong to God and that He will be glorified in and through your circumstances, I love you, thank you for the mentoring you have done in my life, and I will continue to pray for you. ❤️

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    1. Thank you for these encouraging words to us all. 💗 Debbie

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